Heads Continue to Roll

Well, Kyle Farnsworth is the latest victim of Jim Hendry's offseason, which is looking more and more like the 1999 action movie Payback.



Remember that movie? The one where Jim Hendry trades or fails to resign all of the guys who either:

1. Pissed off a broadcaster (I especially love the part when he blows up Kent Mercker's car with a lit cigarette)
2. Pissed off his teammates with his loud music
3. Pissed on his own hands
   
4. Pissed on the floor of the Cubby Bear

Well done, Jim. You've successfully eliminated almost all of the malcontents from last year, though I wonder why Latroy "You Can't Do What I Do" Hawkins and Todd "Carlos Zambrano is a Big Fat Baby" Walker are still Cubs. In exchange for these players, Hendry has gotten a batting tee, a lock of Todd Hollandsworth's hair, and a free subscription to Juggs.

Farnsworth goes to Detroit, since presumably he needs a "change of scenery." Funny. I thought the ceilings of most bars looked essentially the same. The Cubs get back what are likely to be a useless pitcher, a useless third baseman, and a useless outfielder. I die a little inside. Farnsworth, as everyone knows, has great years in odd-numbered years, meaning he will be fantastic in Detroit while we pray that "Lunchbox" Borowski is able to duct tape his arm back together in time for Spring Training.

The only, and I mean only way this trade makes any sense is if Hendry has a deal for Octavio Dotel in the pipeline. However, since this has already been an incredibly infuriating offseason, I am not going to hold my breath.

To think, the Cubs are going into 2005 carrying the highest payroll in the National League with Jeromy Burnitz as the starting right fielder, a question mark in left field, no closer, and a very questionable bullpen. I never thought I would say this, but is "Fat Alf" available?