Terror Has a Name, and That Name is Nextel

I remember the days when Jack Bauer and I shared the bond of "chirping" our friends, coworkers, and Tony Almeida on our Nextel phones. Jack and I had the exact same model of Motorola phone, and Jack would be damned if he cared whether or not the terrorists heard him coming.


(CHIRP)"Damnit, Tony, we don't have that kind of time!"(CHIRP)

I noticed in the fourth and most-recent season of 24, though, that my phone, the Motorola i830, was used by the evil American terrorist who got sniped in the chest last week. That bastard got what he deserved, didn't he? My problem is that I quite enjoyed having the same phone as Jack. Sometimes I would pretend I was Jack. I'd birth myself a hot daughter, develop a heroin addiction, and put things into my PDA like:

8:12 a.m.---Stop spread of terror on American soil.
8:37 a.m.---Rescue Kim from kidnapers . . . AGAIN.
8:59 a.m.---Close the hour by saying something like, 'I know she betrayed me once already, but right now, she's the only lead we've got.'"

Man, that would be sweet. Except everyone that I know and love would either be killed, or I'd be forced to chop their arms off with fire axes. That's no way to live.