Maybe There is a God---Bonds May be Out for Season

Well, well, well. Baby Bonds threw another temper tantrum at the media, blaming them for the fact that he has to have knee surgery. It's the media's fault, Baby? What about you for banging your knee into a table, jackass? Did that have nothing to do with it?

Baby Bonds is what is wrong with professional athletes. He's arrogant. He's selfish. He doesn't take responsibility for his own actions. He's surly. He's been implicated in steroid scandals. And now he may be out for the season. It's about time someone got their "just desserts." It begs the question: If Baby doesn't play at all this season, will he retire? I would love nothing more than for this jerk to be done with the game of baseball, falling just shy of Hank Aaron and Babe Ruth's records.

By the way, doesn't this make Moisty Alou the best hitter on the Giants? Serves them right for giving us Dusty Baker.

Borowski's Wrist Broken by Devil Himself

In a surprising turn of events, the Devil himself chose to intervene in the Cubs' 2005 season yesterday, lining a ball off the wrist of probable Cub closer Joe Borowski. After the incident, a picture of Borowski's wrist with a large, black "X" drawn over it was found in the Devil's locker. Also found were a picture of Nomar Garciaparra's Achilles tendon and Aramis Ramirez's right shoulder.

The Devil shrugged off the injury to Borowski. "Wait until you see what I have in store for Ramirez and Garciaparra. Muahahahahahaaaaaa!" The Devil then disappeared in a plume of white smoke.

The loss of Borowski leaves the Cubs, once again, without a closer. "Favorites" to step up and fill the role in order of how loudly I will boo them are Latroy Hawkins, Chad Fox, and Ryan Dempster.